So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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