toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
