my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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