How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ok first of all what the fuck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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