I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
