thus making me awesome and them whores
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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