if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
