i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
whose parrot is this?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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