you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
