someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
