Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
