I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
