oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
