I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
