the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
