i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
