So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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