Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
