Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
