I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
