dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
