giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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