we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
