My balls are so social today.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
