; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
