I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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