It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
