I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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