first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
