I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
