we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
