I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
