i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
