it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My cat gives me a boner
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
