And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
