so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
