how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
