So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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