C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
