new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
