I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
