my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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