I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
