You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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