You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
