my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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