I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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