What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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