Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
