mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
