just come out here and I will go home with you...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You have to summon your inner elephant
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
