thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
